7 January 2017

My dear john
I am writing you this letter today. As I am feeling really down and confused.

I am sitting in a coffee shop next to the art centre as I felt like I needed to do something I love today.

I’m confused as to what you want from me. You ended this. You ended what I thought was my fairytale. I know your struggling right now.

But I have never felt so much hurt and rejection in my life. I was in such a bad place. I felt like my life ended. I am still scared as I have no idea where or who I’ll be. But I am living one day at a time.

You told me I needed to move on. You told me I should move out. You told me we would never be happy.

That feeling of being told that your partner doesn’t feel right with you is gut wrenching. That feeling of not being enough for your partner is nothing I have ever been able to compare.

You told me to date. I told you to do the same.

8 years doesn’t just go away. I am still hurting, but I chose to find the good in each day. I chose to try be happy. Because I can’t feel like I did when this began.

I can’t feel like I am the most ugly useless person in the world. And I refuse to feel like that.

I offered you everything and I tried serg.

I hope you remember that. And I hope this time away will help you find that missing piece. I only want the best for you. But can’t go through that pain again. I can’t be rejected that way again.

I love you john I always will. I’m so scared I am going to loose you with this. That we are going to get bitter and fight. This is not how I imagined our lives together would be but I don’t want to loose all of it because you don’t feel whole with me.
Xx

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