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19 June 2017 A moment

I’m having a sinking feeling about you.

I have a feeling that this was another moment.

A moment in my life,
A moment of joy..
A moment to learn to love again
A moment of you
A moment in my life to make me stronger

I have a feeling that this moment might be coming to a end.

I’m trying to enjoy what might be the last moment.

But I want my moment to last longer and be the best moment turned into life.

But I am having a feeling that this moment is coming to a end.

The end of another moment fleeting through my life.

14 June 2017

I have fallen for you.
But don’t think for a second I can’t walk away. I have been through the worst before.

Do you possible think that I could be a fool? I hope not. I hope your the man you seem to be. Because Iv walked away from harder and Iv walked away after that. You could be just another stepping stone in my life. Because Iv already gone through the bridge breaking. And nothing. I tell you nothing is worse than that.

One reason, I need only one to walk. Because never again am I staying for someone who will make me a fool again.

I love you but walking away will be easier than loving again. So make sure I have a reason to stay. Because it’s easier for me to be alone than worry about you making a fool of me.

I love you but loving myself by myself is easier than giving you me and my heart, so don’t take it for granted.

17 may 2017

What is heart break?
Heart break is piecing your self back together
Heart break is find out what you want in life
Heart break is finding out who you are
Heart break is learning to love your self as a individual
Heart break can sometimes be the best god dam think that can happen to you.

Heart break can be a release from hell.

Heart break can be the beginning of the best parts of your life.

Let your self feel your heart break but then find the good parts of it.

10 May 2017 Relationship Anxiety

My anxiety is killing me.
Making me into a crazy person. I don’t trust.

I don’t trust people will leave me or play me. I don’t trust that your going to want to stay. I don’t trust you won’t want more than me.

Why do I feel that people will always find a way to hurt me. Why can’t they just love me and that be enough for me.

I am scared I let you in. You have the potential to hurt me… I never let that happen untill now. I am scared that I have fucked up my own power and protection.

Fuck….
Fuck I feel like the weight is trying to drown me.

4/05/17 Anxiety

I am doing so much better without my Gex. It’s amazing what happens when you don’t have someone putting you down so much.

But my anxiety comes in massive waves on trusting people.

I hate dating. The beginning is great and then my anxiety kicks in. What ifs are a massive in my mind. What if I am not what he wants? What if he is playing me? What if… what if… what if….

I hate the fact I am terrified of being played the fool. I was for 8 years and now I expect everyone to do this.

Meeting you. 20/04/17

The moment I met you, relief flooded me. I can’t explain the feeling but I instantly felt like you were home to me. Weird I know.

I tried to hold back and be cautious, but you came at me like a steam engine. So sure of what you wanted and how you felt about me. It freaked me out, because I fell for you so quickly.

I started to feel calm and content. My raging anxiety started to soften until I barely felt it. I stopped needing to find reassurance about myself, you gave me that.

And I can’t believe it, you made me fall for you mostly over FaceTime. And what’s scary is I think I am in love with you. I love you and I am to scared to say it even though you have. I am too scared incase this content feeling disappears. I really hope your the man that you seem. Because then I think I have found something magical.

16/04/17 Regret

I am slowly becoming whole. I no longer have the anxiety that was killing me at the idea of being alone, of losing you, of losing us, of losing my future.

I see you now and I smile. Because I don’t feel anything.
For me we are just friends meeting. But for you… I can see the pain in your eyes, the regret of what you had done. I know you know that the love I gave was unique and that the love I gave you will be the best you ever had. I know I may not of been the right gender for you, but I loved you so wholeheartedly and unconditionally, that you will feel empty with anyone else.

I can see you all ready feeling that with your new man. Oh darling your mum said you would never find a love like mine and oh how she was right. You should of done everything in your power to keep me. Because now I will never look back at you and wish I was there. I cut that rope as soon as you gave me the scissors and I am never going back. I love myself to much to put myself in someone’s arms who would rather break me than try and glue me together.